I'mm baaackkkk. ;)

It feels totally crazy to think that I haven't been on in so long. I feel like such a slacker! I have missed it dearly though.

I have had so much to catch up on that I missed in these like, fifty bagillion years that I have neglected to get on. It's been nice though.

But, it has been such a long time I don't even know what to write. I am supposed to be finishing up this book I need to read though (Oh the joys of school) so I think I'm gonna get on that now. I will for real for real write something later. :)

&well, I've been reunited and it feels so good, and thats all I have to say today. ;)

When does it end..

I have to say, with much regret I might add, I find myself at a loss. I am craving a good blog post, but can find nothing to post about. This is quite annoying because when I want to write, I end up writing someway, somehow. Yet, when I have not a thing I can think of exciting to write about, what am I to do? I feel as though nothing really overly good, or bad; happy, or sad; exciting, or traumatic has really happened recently. If nothing of this sort has happened, what is a girl to write about?

Although, I have been rather upset with myself in the fact that in this past week, between my being pretty sick and being snowed in, I have drawn away from my daily bible reading. This makes me so mad that I let myself draw away from something so important; and yet, all of those days I didn't read, I didn't do one thing to fix it. I let it slide, said to myself "I'll make it up tomorrow." Slipping farther and farther from where I should be. I have even been slacking on my prayers at night before I go to bed! When I look back and reflect on it, I feel like a horrible person.

I pray for forgiveness and the strength to not let it happen again, and I feel motivated to start back to it again for a few minutes after my grief. Then, when it comes time to when I would read and then pray, I think to myself how tired I am, and of think of the next days activities and neglect to do what I know I should. I technically put God on the back burner. I push Him to the side on my priority list. It's a horrible thing to do, something that would seem unforgivable for. God is so amazing, He gave His Son for me. He let His SON, die for everything that I have done wrong, and am yet to do wrong! Yet, this is how I repay Him? By putting other things that in the long stretch of life, will be worthless?

When I start to think of such things, I feel worthless. I feel as though I am lower than low. When I know of such majesty as God Himself, how can I be so unappreciative? How can such things ever be forgiven when I keep repeating them, over and over again. I seem to never learn. I can only seem to realize that I need to make my time on earth count, if I don't want to have eternal hell, when I want to.

I ask for forgiveness again and again, but when does it end? How many times can I make the same mistake before I am just taking advantage of God's grace?


&well, I'm just going to leave it at that, and go read the bible. Which I might add, is something long over due.

What A Day, For Today Is The Day.

Today I finally got to see some civilization; Dillon. I was so overly happy to see some one, especially since it was him because I had been missing him dearly. Going crazy was looking pretty nice at that point before I had seen anyone. Unfortunately, we are expecting ridiculous snow still to come, so I have more insanity still to look forward to. More of feeling lonely, to come in my future. I think the snow deserves a little vacation time, because I'm far too ready to be done with mine.

I got a surprise when I saw Dillon today! He gave me my Valentines day gift early because he wasn't sure if he would be able to see me on Valentines day. Although, I really hope we can see each other because he is supposed to be taking me to see Dear John for a date. I am getting extremely excited to go see it, would be highly upset if those plans got canceled due to weather. Well, quite frankly if they got canceled for any reason I would be pretty upset.

Today we went to our playground. Our normal walking path to get there was cover in around 2 to 3 feet of snow, so we took a different route. Boy, the sacrifices I make for him. I was freezing cold because I forgot to put on a coat, gloves, or any other such necessities in cold conditions such as these. We walked through tall snow, cold winds, ice, jump a few fences, and even brave some falling snow, to get to our playground. May I add, the only reason we were going to the playground in the first place was to get some cute snow pictures like every other couple who had the chance to spend time together with the snow. Beside the fact we could have got fully functional snow pictures right in my back yard. But I did it 'cause I love him, and it was well worth it. :)

While Dillon was over, we started to have a serious and necessary conversation. We talked about boundaries. A subject I have been trying to put to the side, and avoid, for as long as I possibly could. It recently has become a problem for me though. I have come to the point where we could get so into something that I would probably let him do most anything to me if he wanted to. That is most definitely not a good thing at all. So, with some mustered up courage, a friendly nudge (thank you so much Mackenzie for the amazing advice, and much appreciate encouragement), and a LOT of help from the Lord, I brought the subject matter up.

We talked about it, and I feel as though we have set some good firm boundaries. They are, for the time being, experimental. Dillon and I, neither having any experience before in the setting of boundaries, found ourselves to often be lost and confused in our discussion of deciding what needed to be done about things. He said that personally, he feels he has great self-control and would never go to far with me, because of how much he care about me. Still he said he was not willing to bank so much on his self-control. Also, he said he had no feelings of needing to intensify the boundaries, or that there was any immediate need for them for him, understanding though, with they way i feel that they are a necessity.

I was so unnecessarily nervous about talking to him about this kind of thing. Even though I knew in my heart of heart that he would understand, and be willing to make some changes, I couldn't help but to have some irrational fears of rejection, disappointment, and various other feelings. Having the past I have, it's only slightly understandable. But I am ready to get up and let go of everything that Will ever gave to me. All the baggage and troubles and worries. I am over them, and they are out the door never coming back again, and I'm not looking back on them.

Now that I have seen Dillon, I feel relieved to know there are still people alive outside of my neighborhood. But, that does not change the fact that I still want to see other people, as well! Especially my wonderful Mackenzie! I feel as though we haven't seen each other in eons. You're missed like "crazyyy" girl. ;)


&well, that's just my day. :)

Is it really me?

Encouraging Creator

You are a Creator

Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.

You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.

Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination.

The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.

You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there.

Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems.

You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful.

Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.


If you want to be different:

Appreciate the earthly, practical elements of things—there is beauty in form as well.

While you are good at thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help you discover things about the world.


how you relate to others
You are Encouraging

Your outgoing nature, understanding of others, and directness make you ENCOURAGING.

You want others to do well for themselves, and you generally believe in their abilities.

You often know what's good for people because of your caring nature and your worldview.

When you care about someone, you don't keep it to yourself: you are good at letting people know that you're thinking of them.

Because you trust people, you take violations of that trust very seriously.

You thrive in social situations, and even though you know who you like and who you don't like, you can interact well with many different types of people.

You have a healthy respect for people who have earned what they have, and you strive to be similar to successful others.

You are a loyal friend and a good listener.


If you want to be different:

Sometimes, in the course of being encouraging, you can be a bit judgmental—this can make it more difficult for others to follow your advice.

While you are an expert at getting the most out of the world and taking advantage of many experiences, you might gain some insight by taking the time to be alone, reflect on things, or just observe the goings-on in the world.

Cabin Fever Anyone?

SO, pretty much this whole being snowed in thing, isn't working out to well for me. I'm home with just my family. I can hardly talk to some friends. I think I'm coming down with a bad case of what they call "cabin fever". This definition is a new thing for me, but, I must say I absolutely love it and plan to use it often.

There are just so many things contributing to my self diagnosed cabin fever. For one thing, while the snow is loads of fun for a little while, it gets old fast. I was so extremely pumped to go out and play in the still falling fresh snow. I even did a little shoveling and didn't mind it all that much. Then I came inside and got all warmed up, and boredom set in. I realized I have nothing to do but stay inside. I was over the snow again.

Another thing contributing to this terrible ailment, being alone. Granted, I do have my mom, dad, and brother. I am just in desperate need of some friends. Some other civilization. Seeing and hearing about people being snowed in with friends and having a blast just makes it worse for me, too. Knowing I had such big plans for the weekend, and ending up not doing a darn thing, is defiantly not ideal.

I miss Dillon dearly. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever. Seeing as everyone is snowed in, and no one can get anywhere, I don't know when the next time I'll get to see him will be. He lost power so he has to charge his phone from his car. I feel like it will be so long before I see him again. The only day I saw him this week was Wednesday and it was only for a little while. Although, I do find it slightly humorous that Dillon was so pumped for the snow and excited for it and all, and now he is miserable because he lost power and can't go anywhere. Just a little ironic. But, I still hate it for him because I really don't want him to be miserable. I'm not that mean.

This stupid snow has so many stinking pros and cons I can't decide whether or not to love this snow, or hate it. The whole cabin fever thing is most defiantly making it lean way, far over to the hate side. It's fun for a few snowballs, a couple snow angels, some snowmen, and even a little shoveling; but boy do I miss other human beings. I am beyond ready to be out of this house.

I am ready to be rid of this CABIN FEVER!

What motivates you?

Have you ever had the feeling, where you are just so completely bored out of your mind, you feel like there is nothing to do? Even though you know there is plenty for you to do. Then, later realize your boredom is merely brought on by the annoying fact that you know you can't leave the house even if you wanted. If it were any other day of the week (minus multiple feet of snow) you would be fine, and not border-line depressed that there is nothing for you to do.

I have the great misfortune to say, this is exactly how I feel now. There are plenty of things in my house for me to do. But, instead I prefer to sit in my big window, look outside and the snow starting to stick, and pout because I can't go out.

When I start to think about it I feel totally ridiculous for feeling that way. I just can't seem to help it. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. Just sit, watch, and think. I even have better things to do then blog! This is the perfect opportunity to be productive. I just am lacking a simple, yet vital thing. Motivation.

Where does motivation come from, anyway? God? Or rather, something we have to muster up inside ourselves to get through the day?

What should we find motivation in?

I wish my motivation for things, such as: making it through the day; doing well in school; talking to people; and various other everyday things, was to bring God glory. But, when I think about it. That hardly ever is my real motivation. It usually is pleasing other people, or seeing a certain person that day, or even just for personally glory. I think back on certain things sometimes, and wonder how I could have ever made it through something. Where my motivations have been, for instance, for self glory, they should have been for the glorification of God.

It just shows me how merciful, forgiving, and patient God is with His children. He helps us get through so many things, even when our motivations are totally wrong and out of place.

Thinking about this has made me realize that it is something I need to change in myself. I have decided this is going to be one of the things I am going to work on in my one month left to live. I am going to make sure that, I don't do things to please others. I'm not going to do things to bring attention to myself. I am going to try to make every breath I breathe, every move I make, for Christ alone.

What the Bible Says about Friendship..?

So, as you know, I have doing some bible searching for what I can find on friendship. With all the problems I have been having with bev it has just seemed like a good thing to do (especially thanks to a friendly suggestion) ;)

Well here is what I found. It was a kind of a hard thing for me to do. I don't totally understand why though. Maybe because I was afraid of what I would find..

First, I used the index in my bible with the word: Friend. I found the following information.-

Friend:
-Proverbs 17:17-A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
-Proverbs 18:24-A man of many companionsmay come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. *FootNote-One must choose friends carefully*
-Proverbs 27:6-Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Friends:
-Proverbs 16:28-A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip seperates close friends.
-Proverbs 17:9-He who covers ober an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter seperates close friends.
-Proverbs 10:12-Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. *FootNote: Through slander such people create distrust that culminates in allenation and conflict.*

Then I went to the study part of my Bible and looked up friendship. This is what I cam to find:

Friendship:
-1Samuel 23:16-And Sauls' son Jonathan went to Dacid at fores and helped him find strength in God. *FootNote: A truely good friend points us to God in hard times and good times.*
-2Samuel 1:26-**I didn't wite the verse just how I understood it** So i took it to mean: a friendship is something genuine and dear, more special than any other relationship (bestfriends) full of love and concern.
-Proverbs 27:17;**My Favortie i think**As iron sharpens iron, so one man can sharpens another. *FootNote: "Sharpens anothoer" Developes and molds the other character. (my imput): So choose friends carefully. just as a good man could come along and felp you and point yo uin the right directions, someone bad can just bring you down and make you back track.
-Proverbs 1:10-11&15-16-My son, if sinners entice you, don't five in to them. if they say "come along with us; lets lie in wait for someones blood, let waylat some farmless soul (15-16) My son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths for ther feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood. *FootNote: murder is just used as an example in this verse. It could be replaced with any sin.*

So thats what I found. I keep reading over it and praying about it.

Tell me what you think?